When it comes to engagement rings and wedding bands, there are numerous rules that couples have historically followed. However, traditions have evolved over time, and it’s becoming increasingly popular for couples to put their own spin on old rules and do what’s most reflective of their relationship. This guide will cover the established engagement ring and wedding band rules, so you can have the freedom to break them—and celebrate your love in the way that suits you best.
Rule #1: Engagement Rings Should Be a Secret
Traditionally, the engagement ring is kept secret until the moment of the proposal. Many couples today, however, choose to shop for engagement rings together. This approach ensures that the ring reflects the preferences and style of the person who will wear it. Some even design custom rings as a joint project to create a one-of-a-kind style. By involving both partners in the process, the ring becomes a shared symbol of commitment, chosen with mutual love and thoughtful consideration.
For tips on planning the perfect secret proposal, read our How to Find Her Ring Size Without Her Knowing and How to Hide an Engagement Ring Box blogs.
Rule #2: Men Purchase the Engagement Ring
The historical expectation is that men purchase the engagement ring, often without financial input from their partner. This can put undue pressure on them, and in today’s world, many couples prefer to share financial responsibilities. Partners can either contribute equally to the cost of the ring or decide on a budget together. This cooperative approach can alleviate stress and ensure that the ring chosen is a meaningful and financially sound decision.
Check out our Engagement Ring Budget Guide for our top tips and tricks.
Rule #3: Only Women Wear Engagement Rings
The tradition of women being the sole wearers of engagement rings is fading. Many men now choose to wear an engagement ring as well, symbolizing their commitment to their partners. This practice can help balance the gesture of commitment, making it a shared experience. Additionally, it allows couples to showcase their union and excitement equally throughout the engagement.
Read our Do Men Wear Engagement Rings? blog for more insight into today’s traditions.
Rule #4: Engagement Rings Should Cost 3 Months’ Salary
The guideline that engagement rings should cost three months’ salary is increasingly seen as outdated. Couples should decide on a budget that is comfortable for their financial situation. Whether you keep it a traditional amount or another, the focus should be on finding a ring that symbolizes their love without causing financial strain.
Rule #5: Engagement Rings Should Have a Diamond Center Stone
Diamonds have long been the traditional center stone for engagement rings, but they are not the only option. Many couples now opt for alternative gemstones such as sapphires, emeralds, or even non-traditional stones like moissanite or morganite. Plain bands and gemstone accented bands with no center stone are also an option.
If you want to get even more inspired by gemstone designs, check out our guide to Non-Diamond Engagement Rings.
Rule #6: Engagement Rings Should Be Worn on the Left-Hand Ring Finger
The traditional placement of the engagement ring is on the left hand’s ring finger. This practice originates from an ancient belief that this finger has a vein leading directly to the heart. However, couples can choose any finger or hand to wear their engagement rings on. Cultural differences and personal preferences can guide this decision, making it unique to the wearer.
Read our What Hand Does the Engagement Ring Go On? blog to understand more about the history and cultural traditions behind engagement ring placement.
Rule #7: Men Must Propose
Though men have historically been the ones to present the engagement ring, this is no longer a strict expectation. In modern relationships, anyone can propose, regardless of gender. The key is the expression of love and the intention to spend a lifetime together. Breaking this rule allows for a more inclusive and equal approach to engagements, where both partners can take an active role in the significant moment.
Feel confident in your proposal plans by referencing our Proposal Guide.
Rule #8: The Wedding Ring Must Be Purchased After the Engagement Ring
Traditionally, the wedding ring is purchased after the engagement ring. However, some couples choose to buy both rings together to ensure they match perfectly or to take advantage of buying a bridal set. This approach can also simplify the ring selection process, allowing both rings to be a cohesive set from the start.
Read our Wedding Ring Budget Guide to understand the financial factors to consider when buying a ring for your “I Do” moment.
Rule #9: You Need Both an Engagement Ring and a Wedding Ring
While having both an engagement ring and a wedding ring is customary, some couples opt for just one ring that serves both purposes. This minimalist approach can be practical and cost-effective. A single ring can still hold profound meaning and represent the couple’s commitment just as powerfully as two separate rings.
To understand the difference between the two, check out our Engagement Rings vs Wedding Rings blog.
Rule #10: Engagement Ring and Wedding Ring Gemstones Should Match
Matching gemstones in engagement and wedding rings is traditional but not necessary. Some couples prefer a mix of stones, such as a diamond engagement ring paired with a sapphire wedding band. This allows for greater personalization and can create a unique set that reflects the couple’s individual style.
Rule #11: Engagement Rings and Wedding Rings Should Be the Same Metal
Traditionally, both rings are made from the same metal, but they don’t have to be. Combining different metals, such as pairing a platinum engagement ring with a gold wedding band, can create a distinctive look. This mix-and-match approach allows for greater flexibility in design and can make each ring stand out on its own.
Read our Platinum vs. Gold Guide to understand more about different metal types.
Rule #12: Partners’ Rings Should Match
It’s common for couples to choose rings that match in style or design, but there is no requirement for spouses’ rings to match exactly. Each partner can choose a ring that reflects their personal style and comfort. This individualism in ring selection respects the unique tastes of both partners while still symbolizing their union.
Find the right style for you by reading our Women’s Wedding Band Style Guide and Men’s Wedding Band Style Guide.
Rule #13: Partners Should Purchase Each Other’s Wedding Rings
Traditionally, spouses purchase each other’s wedding rings, but this is not a fixed rule. Couples can decide together how to handle this purchase. Some may prefer to buy their own rings, while others might choose to select rings together. The most important aspect is that both partners feel happy and involved in the process.
Rule #14: Wedding Rings Should Be Worn on the Left-Hand Ring Finger
Like engagement rings, wedding rings are traditionally worn on the left hand’s ring finger. However, there are no strict rules about which finger or hand the wedding ring should be worn on. Cultural practices and personal comfort often influence this decision.
Read our What Hand Does a Wedding Ring Go On? guide for more information.
In conclusion, engagement ring and wedding band rules have evolved significantly over time. While traditions can provide a sense of continuity and connection, they are not unbreakable. Couples today have the freedom to personalize their ring choices, reflecting their unique love stories and individual preferences. By understanding and, if desired, breaking these traditional rules, you can create a meaningful and memorable ring experience that truly represents your relationship.
