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How Soon Is Too Soon to Propose?
Do what feels right, when it feels right, as long as you have a clear indication that the love is reciprocated. A marriage proposal can be thrilling and dramatic when you catch your partner by surprise, but not too much by surprise. Readiness conversations should play a part in planning for a future together.
Two to three years together is typical for a marriage proposal. But when you can demonstrate that you’ve carefully considered your shared experience, however long you’ve been together, you’ll sweep them off their feet. Friends and family might find your timeline controversial, and that should be part of your discussion leading up to the big day.
The Speech: What to Say When Proposing
Do yourself a favor and don’t borrow someone else’s words. Your partner has fallen in love with your words this far. Just like the engagement ring, your proposal should fit your partner. What would be important for them to hear in this moment as you consider a lifetime together? What’s specific about your journey together so far that’s worthy of that lifetime? What are you looking forward to in a forever partnership? Rehearse, but avoid reciting your proposal too much so you don’t sound stiff. Speak from the heart.
Tips for Starting Your Speech
- Gut Check: If you’re a practical couple, the proposal starts way before the day of the event. Not only because you might have a ring to buy or flights to schedule or a photographer to hire. There are major questions to ask before marriage to ensure you’ve earned that milestone. You should check that you’re compatible for growing old together and you’re aligned on your future. Answering these questions also sets you up with a lot of prompts for your speech. When you’ve talked it over, you already know what to say when proposing. But in the end, you decide when you’re ready.
- Get Going: Start with stream-of-consciousness and revise from there. This can be handwritten or a voice memo. Just because it doesn’t flow freely at first doesn’t mean you’re having doubts. Alternatively, when it does flow freely, it doesn’t mean your rough draft is your best one. You’re going for impact. Cleverness, sentiment, and everything in between is a bonus.
- Edit: If they say yes, you can save some romance for your vows. And you’ll have your whole lives afterward (including anniversaries) for what doesn’t make it in. You can propose every year, if you want, or give your rough drafts as presents.
What to Say When Proposing
There’s a general order of what to say when proposing:
- When you met: From the first time I saw you…Our story started…When our paths crossed…I can’t believe what brought us together…
- When you knew: The moment it changed for me…As I look back…I wasn’t expecting…I couldn’t have predicted…Our turning point…I’m reminded of the day…
- How you feel: When I think about you…I’m so grateful for…You’re the one because…
- What you’ll build: This is just the beginning…I’m looking forward to…Here’s what I promise you…I can’t wait for…
Basically, you’re summing up your past, present, and future, and going chronologically can make the finale emotional. You’re revisiting all the life-changing experiences you’ve had and the daily ways you show up for each other. Here are a few ways you can finish those prompts:
- Mini moments: Breakfast in bed, taking the dog out, the miles they go for you when you’re sick. When did they show you patience or make you laugh? Why is your day-to-day better with them in it?
- Major moments: When did they take over when you couldn’t — the loss of a job or loved one? Why do you know you can count on them — when did they express honesty or devotion?
- Moments yet to happen: You’re creating a life together. What does that deeper love look like and why are you excited for it? Family, travel, making art — what will you share? Why is your future empty without them and brighter because of them?
- Your connection: Was your love unexpected or did it click right away? Are you the same people or do you have nothing in common? Did you run home to tell your friends and family about your first date or did they point your attraction out to you after years of platonic friendship?
- Your traits: What qualities make them shine and which ones bring out the best in you? And vice versa. What are the seeds of your growth as a couple and as individuals? Your shared values?
The end is the easy part. Sure it might be terrifying, but script-wise, it’s taken care of. “Will you marry me?” As you’re coming up with what to say when proposing, unpack why you love and respect them.
Proposal Speech Themes & Inspiration
As far as when and how to propose, we have a whole list of marriage proposal ideas. But regarding what to say when proposing, consider their personality. Do they value traditional or original? Do they love surprise or control? Would they swoon or cringe over words like soulmate and journey? A proposal must be heartfelt, but this is the biggest moment of their life, too.
Here are themes if you’re having writer’s block about what to say when proposing:
- Location-based: If you’re planning on proposing in a certain spot, use that as a jumping off point. Your meet-cute, your first date, your worst trip, your favorite hike. You can talk about how far you’ve come.
- Meaningful media: It might be cheating, but if lyrics or quotes played a big part in your romance, they might deserve a nod. If you express yourself best through your own song, maybe that’s the way to go.
- Memory lane: If your proposal was a scrapbook (and it could be, if you’re that kind of couple), what are the key moments that make up your pages?
- List: Your proposal can be that simple. Everything you adore and your certainty of more to come. If it’s a tangible list, it takes a lot of pressure off of remembering and it’s a keepsake you can frame.
Every proposal theme comes down to talking about why your relationship works and what it took to make sure that it did. Why are you choosing them over everyone, and why should they do the same? The beauty is in the details.
Speech Faux Pas: What Not to Do
No one can tell you how to propose. And with more women proposing to men, many traditions are falling by the wayside. But these tips might help with readiness. You’ll want to be fully present for this once in a lifetime occasion. So here’s what not to do when proposing everlasting love:
- Forget to practice the words: There’s no shame in a paper-written speech if you’re a bundle of nerves, but in between glances you’ll miss the look on your partner’s face. What are you willing to sacrifice? Even if you misspeak, or ramble, or draw a blank: you’re so sure this person accepts you and that they’ll spend forever with you, so there will be nothing to forgive. It might be a blur for them, too! You can run through your lines with a friend, but it also makes sense if you want the first person to hear it to be the intended recipient.
- Forget to breathe: Calm and confidence might reassure some partners, while nervous and flustered will endear you to others. Either way, your emotions might catch you off guard the day of the proposal. Prepare to avoid becoming overwhelmed. If anything goes unexpected or awry (weather, surprise guests, etc.), you can handle it.
- Forget to practice the movements: A proposal can involve more than words, so while a mirror or journal can be handy for memorization, go through the motions. Hold the ring if it’s relevant (and practice putting it on the correct finger). Your proposal doesn’t have to be on one knee to be vulnerable, but you don’t want to be thrown off when you get down there/over there/wherever it takes place.
- Forget to practice the length: Say the words out loud to get a handle on how long it takes. You can start to sweat as you’re crouched on a knee or all eyes are on you in public. Stick to what’s easiest for you to remember, but also factor in what you know about their expectations of this moment. Be yourself but be a partner. If they want drama and passion, you don’t want to leave them wanting more. If they’re straightforward or shy, will they feel awkward or anxious the longer it’s drawn out? Timing also helps your pacing so you can avoid pausing or rushing.
- Forget to practice tone: You’re hoping for a celebration at the end of your proposal, so stay positive and hopeful. Reminders of the ups and downs can be tricky; calling on hard times can be proof of strength but can also bring up old feelings or resentments. You don’t want to reference anything that suggests you’re not right and/or ready. Additionally, a funny proposal can be extra memorable and personable, but make sure it doesn’t feel like a joke (nothing about settling). Above all, don’t suppress emotions, force emotions, or apologize for emotions (as long as they’re respectful). It should feel natural.
- Use someone else’s words: They fell for you, so that’s who they want proposing to them. Skip cliches that sound like they were written by someone else or ripped from a viral vid that they might see one day. Personalization is everything. The ring says a whole lot (technically, the whole thing). They already know what’s coming at the end, so it’s the unique words that get you there that matter. That box can’t contain all the feelings you have and the memories you’ve shared, so that’s your job.
The Event: Proposal Ideas
What Should Be in a Proposal?
You’ve seen the petals scattered across garden paths, bedroom floors, and tabletops. Champagne seems to always make an appearance at a marriage proposal, closely followed by chocolate-covered strawberries. Cue the violins and undercover photographer.
But a proposal isn’t a checklist. Props don’t cheapen a marriage proposal, but the gesture is about your everlasting connection to your partner, and no one else. Celebrate their individuality and what makes your connection special. When your marriage proposal comes from love, you’ll know whether to emphasize the words, the scenery, the ring, etc. Prioritize your partner’s emotions and yours so your marriage proposal will feel significant and sincere.
That being said, you can never go wrong with candles and roses.
How Can I Make My Marriage Proposal Special?
Make it memorable for everyone in attendance, even if that’s just the two of you. If isolated and out-of-earshot is more romantic for your partner, then create the conditions for a private marriage proposal so their answer isn’t pressured. If your partner wants a display as big as the fireworks in your relationship, we have ideas for that, too.
Here are four questions to consider to guide your marriage proposal ideas:
- Is your marriage proposal the time to celebrate your shared sense of humor and a lifetime of laughter? If so, lighthearted can still be wholehearted. Or would your partner want a weighty, profound moment to validate that you take them seriously and that you’re capable of commitment?
- Have you discussed a marriage proposal? Have they been waiting for one? Have they hinted how they envision it? This can help indicate if they’d lean more towards a grand or intimate gesture.
- Should it be a gathering? Who would they want to share the moment with? Should those people be there (maybe even involved) or do you FaceTime them afterward?
- Is a diamond the right gem for them? See our Diamond Buying Guide and Non-Diamond Engagement Rings to explore options. Or, if your partner always wants the latest in style, check out Engagement Ring Trends.
14 Marriage Proposal Ideas
Unique Marriage Proposal Ideas
1. Add Additional Adrenaline: Embrace the rush that comes with asking your partner to marry you. You might ask at the top of a rollercoaster, the end of a zipline, the scenic float portion in between rafting rapids, or the plunge right before bungee jumping. After all, love is about risk. Pick whatever gets your heart pumping as much as they do, then you’ll always associate that feeling of butterflies with when they said “yes.” If low-stakes adrenaline fuels your love, consider asking your local escape room to incorporate your big question into your game.
2. Steal the Stage: The classic on-stage marriage proposal. Collaborate with a venue or performing artist to either have them announce your intentions or pass you the mic to do so. You can have the DJ or bandleader queue up meaningful music for you as a couple if you’re attending a live concert. If it’s a karaoke stage, you might work your partner’s name into the lyrics or pop the question on the teleprompter during a duet (you might even sing an original). If the stage act is a magician, you can volunteer you or your partner to be part of a “trick.” A trivia night quizmaster who’s in on the proposal can coordinate “Will you marry me?” as a question. If your marriage proposal happens during a play, have the actors bring you up at curtain call or make mention of you both in the play bill or script. There’s plenty of ways to put the spotlight on your love.
3. Go Big or Go Home: The jumbotron is a fan favorite, with homerun and slam dunk pun captions galore for your Instagram post. But as for one-of-a-kind marriage proposal ideas, you can’t beat recreating your first date (or any first from your relationship). It gives you a chance to relive and reflect upon what makes your love unlike any other. Whether you do this by renting out past theaters and restaurants, or by chronicling your relationship with a scrapbook of keepsakes, you get a chance to remember the good times before you promise more to come.
Romantic Marriage Proposal Ideas
4. Food Made with Love: Hire a personal chef or become one, serving up a combination of your partner’s favorite foods and fancy courses, whatever would make them feel more special. This can even be breakfast in bed brought in on a tray if quality time and acts of service are their love languages. If you opt to eat out (or spare your partner your less-than-stellar culinary skills), you can sneak your question into the restaurant specials, hidden under a tray, or spelled out in sauce. A rooftop restaurant can make it even more romantic.
5. Public Displays of Affection: A different take on PDA, this type of marriage proposal is all about knowing your partner’s habits and routines to show you know them best. Publicly declare your love over the airwaves by calling into their favorite radio station to propose or have the radio announcer ask for you while you and your partner commute together. You can also ask their go-to podcast host to replace their intro song with a recorded message from you. If you opt for the written word, take out an ad in the newspaper they subscribe to.
6. Elevated Emotion: A skywriting or marquee marriage proposal are sure ways to make a statement. As long as you and your partner are not afraid of heights, an airborne proposal in a helicopter, hot air balloon, or sea plane can elevate a picturesque moment.
Picture Perfect Marriage Proposal Ideas
7. Vacation Vibes: You’ve heard of destination wedding, but what about a destination proposal? While you’re traveling, you’re already in a relaxed state of mind. Travel allows you to up the ante for those social-media-worthy marriage proposals. Book a romantic ice hotel or treehouse in the jungle. Beachside proposals come with cute asking ideas, like popping the question with a message in a bottle or drawing it in the sand. When you propose on vacation, you can even make the trip an annual one for your anniversary.
8. Scenic Spectacle: When you want the moment to be a true spectacle, look to nature. Posing in front of uninterrupted views makes for an easy, sneaky way to ask a stranger for a pic before you drop down on one knee. National parks offer plenty of opportunities for romance on a mountaintop or under a waterfall. The historic features are an easy way to add another landmark to your relationship.
Private, At Home Marriage Proposal Ideas
9. Make It a Game: There’s so much opportunity for cuteness and creativity when your marriage proposal is made from scratch. Complete a puzzle that spells out your proposal, even if it’s a crossword. You can design your own board game, with clues or pictures from highlights of your relationship. Or take advantage of existing board games by writing your marriage proposal on a Jenga brick or a charade clue (whether they’re acting it out or guessing).
10. Dress Up Your Day-To-Day: This proposal has the potential to be super adorable. Cook your future fiancé an al fresco meal in the backyard with twinkling string lights and floral arrangements. Or set up a projector and comfy pillow fort full of their favorite snacks for them to come home to a movie night. A proposal at home can be tender and touching and allow you to be more vulnerable when you can say how you truly feel without an audience.
Outdoor Marriage Proposal Ideas
11. Seasonal Sites: A marriage proposal over the holidays is the easiest way to make the most of golden hour and family already in town. You can take advantage of the outdoors by spelling your marriage proposal out in snow or a pile of leaves. Carve your question into a pumpkin you pick out together at a patch, or have it engraved on an ornament from a tree you choose at a Christmas tree farm. Plus, a hired photographer isn’t out of place in these picturesque venues. Choose your partner’s favorite season or holiday, so they’re motivated to get outside.
12. Shared Passions: If you’re active types, take in gorgeous views while hiking, kayaking, or horseback riding. Releasing that physical energy can relieve some of the anxiety before popping the big question! Camping can also provide a pretty setting for those adventure seekers hoping to share the magic moment with more solitude.
Marriage Proposal Ideas That Include Family
13. Scavenger Hunt: A scavenger hunt offers plenty of opportunities for family to help coordinate the clues. And stationing them at sites around the city helps ensure everything’s going to plan. Work in references to your relationship, whether you shared a kiss on a Ferris wheel, a star sign at the planetarium, or favorite animal at the aquarium. It’s sure to be a fun day when each experience is with their loved ones. Or, work in locations like a spa, salon, or boutique so your partner is feeling pampered and picture-perfect for a day they’ll always remember. This marriage proposal idea gives you a chance to spoil your future in-laws, too.
14. Family Flash Mob: If dancing and singing are a huge part of your family get-togethers, this is the perfect marriage proposal idea. Even if they’re not, the lack of rhythm can be hilarious. Choreograph a flash mob to surprise your partner with their nearest and dearest. This is also easy to accomplish virtually if your families are scattered. Simply have them send recordings of them busting a move to the same song and splice them together in an edit.
You Got This!
You might have ideas of what the proposal “should be” based on stories you’ve heard, your own childhood dreams, or the advice you’ve been given. This will be a moment you always look back on. And even if you’ve fantasized about this day for a lifetime, the pressure of the moment and all that comes after can be intimidating. But your marriage proposal will be perfect as long as it’s meaningful and a celebration of your everlasting partnership.
And when you’re ready, Brilliant Earth is here to help you find a one-of-a-kind engagement ring for that special day.
